hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
