everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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