How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
