its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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