One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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