come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
