remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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