dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
