sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
