By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
