If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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