I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
