Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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