respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
