Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
