maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
