i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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