I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
