mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
