I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
either way he was missing a nipple.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
