I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
