After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
