Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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