Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
