Can Purell be used as lube?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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