I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
