Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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