There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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