i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
