don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
