I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
