This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
