I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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