dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
