so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
