it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
