Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm bleeding and have questions
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
