It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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