He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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