I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
