He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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