you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
