Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
