Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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