im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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