haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
