who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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