I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
