You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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