Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
