There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
