new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
