Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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