we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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